A Living Alternative

In the (nearly) three years that I have been blogging, without question the post that has drawn the most attention was when I shared about my own life long struggle with homosexual orientation. It has almost been a year since I wrote that post and I still receive comments and emails from around the world, the vast majority of which are positive. I am still working on my book, in which I explore in more detail my experiences.

One unexpected result of this post has been the number of letters I have received from people, mainly men, from all over the world who share with me very personal struggles with their own sexuality. I am humbled to be trusted with such intimate information and nervous when asked for advice. However, it has been deeply rewarding to be able to be a catalyst for openness and healing for some.

There are two common factors in almost all of these emails: first, that they do not feel at all safe sharing their struggles with their church community, even to specific friends and leaders (and be aware, some of these men are pastors themselves). Many believe without hesitation that it would be career and relational suicide to make such struggles known. Each time I read this I break a little bit inside.

The second point is desperate questions about what they can do to overcome or even survive the daily struggle. These questions are always most difficult, in part because I am not always qualified to speak to such complex issue and contexts I am so distant from, but also because the answer runs square into the wall of the first point above. What people need is the support, understanding and love of the Body of Christ. Sadly, this is often the very thing that is most unavailable and dangerous.

What is your experience with sexuality and the church community? Do you have a community where there is a safe and natural place for you to share your struggles, uncertainties and failures? Even if they are open, are they equipped to help you with the specifics of the issues? If you wish to reply anonymously, please feel free to do so. Of course, anyone demonstrating what I feel is insensitive or off topic comments will be deleted.

Let's talk.

Missional Homosexuality Church

Boy, can identify with this cartoon by David Hayward. I have really been struggling with the burn out on many fronts, such as health, sleep, etc. However, the most frustrating seems to be my inability to write here at my blog. It isn't out of any sense of obligation, but rather that I really love to write and interact with you all. Thanks for your patience.

A friend of mine was stabbed this week, mugged while out for groceries. He is recovering well, thank God. The whole event has got me thinking about my city and the violence in it. Sometimes it is random, like what happened to my friend. Other times, it is more pointedly directed.


These murders remain unsolved, as are many others in our city. I cannot get their names and stories out of my mind. While I know the police have done a great deal of work, I wonder if there would have been more interest, more public involvement, if these girls hadn't been sex trade workers?

Remember them, their names, their families. Their names will surely be joined by far too many others if we don't start caring more. God help us. God help them.

My friend Brother Maynard has just released his first book entitled "That You Might Believe: Praying Advent with the Gospel of John" found here with Lulu.com (read a preview here). I can think of few people whose commitment to clarity of thought and precision with words would better position them to write on this topic than BroMay. It is worth checking out. And if you aren't familiar with Brother Maynard and his blog, add it now to your blogroll, as you will not be disappointed.

Last week was a real kick in the gut with respect to The Dusty Cover. We received a call from the city's health department. It seems the person I initially spoke to failed to give me all the details, so they were kindly getting back to me (nearly 6 month later). However, it turns out that under Winnipeg's by-laws, for us to serve coffee (no other food items at all) requires that we meet the same facility requirements as any commercial kitchen. Not only would this cost us thousands of dollars in upgrades, but it would be zoning permits and another several months delay. Needless to say, that wasn't an option we could afford.

Feeling somewhat defeated, I went back to the city with a series of alternatives. It seems we have come up with something of a compromise. We are able to provide free coffee that must be self-serve with only disposable items. Needless to say, this will severely impact our primary income, but the alternative was no better. People can make donations towards the drinks, which we hope will offset the cost. Obviously this project was never intended to be a money maker, so we are now looking at creative ways to further subsidize the project. Any ideas?

While we are all disappointed, we are also experiencing something akin to relief. The details surrounding the upgrades would have been overwhelming to us in a time where our ministry is already financially stretched. With my struggle against burn out, it might have been the straw that... well, you know. In the end, we are trust God's wisdom in this, refusing to let it break our spirits and vision.

In fact, it is times like this that we all realize how much we love our community. (Pernell wrote a powerful post that could very well have been written here. Read it to get an idea of what we see live with). Our neighbourhood is deeply wounded, but the wound is so clearly visible only against the beauty of the people that live here. Further, it has drawn us together as a staff, as we experience the true cup of communion as we seek to be the Body against what seems impossible odds. God is good.

Keep us in prayer!

Missional

The following is a really creative and entertaining video intro to the life of St. Francis of Assisi by John Denne. Enjoy!

St. Francis Missional John Denne Video

Today, our staff watched the inspirational 2006 film "Amazing Grace" which follows William Wilberforce as he fights against the slave trade in the British Empire. The film was well written and well cast, telling an important part of Western history. It is well worth the time and money to buy/rent and watch. With such a pointedly Christian title, I must admit that I had my reservations about it's quality. I was pleasantly surprised.

That isn't to say it was without fault. As many critics noted, the movie risks under-playing the importance of the slaves in their own emancipation. In fairness, though, the films focus was intentionally on the parlimentary process and not the broader issue. It could have been handled better, but this failure doesn't spoil the movie. The film also contains a few other historical inaccuracies, the only one that really bothered me was the representation of Thomas Clarkson's involvement, which in reality was much more significant.

It is important to note that the "slave trade"- that is, human traffiking, is alive and flourishing today. It is important to be aware of this reality so that we can pray and be actively involved in stopping it. Further, we need to realize that unwitting consumer practices in our own communities can contribute to the problem without us ever knowing.

To learn more about human traffiking today and what you can do to help, visit Stop The Traffik.

Amazing Grace Slavery Missional Movie Review

In the midst of my recent struggles, I wanted to share with you all some good news. As Kim & I have not been able to start a family, we have been considering several options. Today we officially began the process of adoption. It will be a long and expensive journey, but we are really excited about this next step.

After much prayer and consideration, we have decided to pursue international adoption, specifically from Ethiopia. While this is more expensive, there are many reasons that make this the best choice for us. Also, being an international marraige, we are really pleased to add to our families diversity in this way. We are still pursuing fertility options, but our doctors have encouraged us to pursue this course at this stage.

In the New Year we will be announcing a creative fundraising effort to help pay for the adoption. In addition to seeing our monthly missions support strengthened, we will need to see around $16,000 raised for the process. If you are interested in getting involved in helping us through financial support or other ways, let me know. Keep this is prayer, as we are really excited.

Adoption Ethiopia

After including the above quote in my recent Fridays With Francis post, I have not been able to get it out of my mind. If you missed it, here was my brief thought on the quote:

"Perhaps the most profound quote, St. Francis manages to bring me to my knees in humility with this one. It was this realization that changed my understanding of theology forever. So shaped by the scientific method, I approached theology like any other formal observance in the search for understanding. While this has been helpful, it failed to dawn on me that God is not a specimen to be examined, but rather He is the ultimate observer. It is all of us who are watched and changed by the watching, not the other way around. And yet His love transforms us far above being mere mice in mazes, even when we treat Him as little more than the same."

What inspired this thought was my slim grasp on the concept of the observer effect. Simply put, the observer effect states that the act of observation changes the subject. Whether as a result of an instrument used to observe a quantum phenomenon or the mere presence of a biologist in an animals habitat, the subject can never be observed without some influence or impact of the observer. It deals with observation.

When I first considered this is respect to God, I wondered if God is at all changed by our attempts at observation. However, as the quote suggests, I had it completely backwards. It is God is who sees us and we are changed by it. If we can be changed by the mere observation of God, imagine the impact His pursuing love must have on us!

As I was considering this more, I couldn't help but think of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle (which I have a very inadequate grasp on, so any physicists out there reading this, be kind). In simplest terms, the uncertainty principle explains the precision with which we can measure the position and momentum of a particle at the same time. The fact is that the more accuracy we have in measuring one of the factors, the less accurate we will be with the other. It deals with the measurement.

When considering our pursuit of God, I could not help but wonder if we face a similar challenge. At the same time as God is unchanging in His character, He is also a dynamic, relational Being- position and momentum. As we seek to understand God through theology, is it possible that it inevitably runs into tension with knowing God relationally? I am not suggesting any flaw or inadequacy in God, but rather in our means, methods and capability to understand Him.

What do you think?

Missional Observer Effect Uncertainty Principle Theology

While this is coming in a bit late, I still wanted to get something up for my Friday's With Francis post. I have some interesting stuff scheduled for this weekly post, but with fighting bronchitis and the other effects of burn out, I just haven't had the energy to get them into good enough shape. Sorry for the hold up, but I am sure you all understand.

In the mean time, the following are quotes attributed to St. Francis of Assisi. Note, however, that as with many hagiographic records from his era, we cannot always be sure that everything attributed to him was actually said by him. However, these quotes all represent saying that stand up against the nature of his character. After each quote, I share a brief thought on it. I'd love to hear yours:

"If you have men who will exclude any of God's creatures from the shelter of compassion and pity, you will have men who will deal likewise with their fellow men."

Sometimes St. Francis can be dismissed as a lovable eccentric who preached to birds, but his love for Creation extended beyond some romantic and naive notion. Rather, he saw the deep truth that our relationship to Creation is essential to our very nature as created beings in God's image. Francis' passionate commitment to the centrality of the Eucharist could not be separated from earth which produced the bread and wine or the God who created them. Francis needs to be considered in greater depth in respect to a truly Christian engagement of ecological issues.

"It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching."

This quote is most likely what inspired the most commonly (though inaccurately) attributed quote to St. Francis: "Preach the Gospel at all time. If necessary, use words". The fact is that Francis and the Franciscan deeply believed in verbal proclamation and preaching. In fact, it was one of their most distiguishing characteristics. While the spirit of the misattributed quote is consistent with Francis, I doubt he would have made that much of a distinction. Neither do I.

"What we are looking for is what is looking."

Perhaps the most profound quote, St. Francis manages to bring me to my knees in humility with this one. It was this realization that changed my understanding of theology forever. So shaped by the scientific method, I approached theology like any other formal observance in the search for understanding. While this has been helpful, it failed to dawn on me that God is not a specimen to be examined, but rather He is the ultimate observer. It is all of us who are watched and changed by the watching, not the other way around. And yet His love transforms us far above being mere mice in mazes, even when we treat Him as little more than the same.

"True progress quietly and persistently moves along without notice."

While this quote has wide implications for societal progress, I think it speaks very powerfully to individual Christians and the larger Church. I wonder if, in our passion and excitement to see the Church grow, if we do not fall into the trap of self-importance. Our successes and others failures should never be fodder for position or influence, as Christ modelled a decidedly downward mobility. Just a thought.

"Blessed is the servant who loves his brother as much when he is sick and useless as when he is well and an be of service to him. And blessed is he who loves his brother as well when he is afar off as when he is by his side, and who would say nothing behind his back he might not, in love, say before his face."

The first part of this quote touches me very personally right now. In the midst of my burn out, my fear of letting people down is matched only by the fear of being alone through the process. I don't want to in any way diminish my appreciation for those who are praying for us, but it is when people move next to us in real loving support that I am moved. It reminds me how far I have yet to go in truly loving those in my life.

"All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of a single candle."

Hope. Oh how I need this hope.

Missional St. Francis Quotes