A Living Alternative

Since I wrote my very personal post on homosexuality at my old blog, I have received hundreds of emails and phone calls with questions, comments and (sometimes) reprimands from people all over the world. Sometimes they are from others who live with same-sex attraction, while others are from pastors and Christian leaders. From the latter group, there are many questions that come up again and again. One of those questions is invariably: Where do we start?

While the church has failed in its treatment of the issue of homosexuality and even more so with those who live with same-sex attraction, we must acknowledge that there is a change for the better happening. A fair number of Christians are becoming more informed and sensitive to the realities surrounding this issue and are work to be more faithful to the example and teachings of Christ in respect to love, grace and compassion. However, many do not know where to start, which is why many end up writing me.

First, there are many people out there who are far better equipped to serve the church in this respect. That being said, I want to give one answer that I think is critical. It is important because it translates into many other areas where the church as failed in the past. The lesson is this:

You cannot start with a clean slate.

No matter how understanding we might be, no matter how sensitive and aware of the realities we have become, when we as Christians reach out to those with same-sex attraction we are carrying the baggage of centuries of failure along with us. Fair or not, we cannot expect to start the dialogue (and it must be genuine, mutual dialogue) without being aware of these things. They will be both explicitly addressed in questions, accusations and judgments, but also implicitly present through attitude, emotions, and experiences. It will come up again and again. We will make the same apologies over and over.

And so we should.

You will find it frustrating. You will be tempted to say enough is enough. You will want to disavow any connection between yourself and those harshest of examples of Christian failure. Be that as it may, resist those impulses. Regardless of your moral and theological stance on the issues, the treatment of homosexuals at the hands of the church is inexcusable. We cannot expect centuries of woundedness and injustice to be cleared up in short order.

We have earned much of the abuse we receive at the hands of the wider culture, and no matter how "unfair" or wrong the treatment may be, it is time to turn the other cheek. Not out of the moral superiority of a martyr, but as penitent human beings who refuse to disqualify their repentance with secondary excuses. We may get kicked around by some, but it is well worth the price if we can build real dialogue and relationships.

Put simply, if you genuinely want to be missional representatives of Christ to same-sex attracted people, you cannot expect to do it on your own terms. I am not advocating compromise or being mistreated beyond what is reasonable. Rather, I am saying that we have sown the seeds of discord that brought us to this place, so we must be willing reap the consequences accordingly. This approach will take more time, energy and emotional strength. Then again, when following Christ, that should be expected, no?

Homosexuality Missional Reconciliation